When I’m in the mood to pull a look, nothing makes me feel more confident than a funky fur or bold print, but if I’m being honest, motivation to look my best has been at an all time low. Despite having a signature style, what I’m wearing on a day to day is heavily inspired by the world around me, so when COVID-19 hit my go-to look became raggedy sweats and an athleisure set on a good day. 

I look to black women for inspiration in all that I do, so it’s no wonder that Monica and Mary J. Blige are some of my style icons. How does Monica look good in every color? What is Mary J. really hiding behind those big glasses? As hard as I try, I can’t help but compare myself to these women who somehow seem to keep it all together when the world around them is falling apart. When the pandemic put my business on the backburner and sent me back into mommy-mode, my connection to Monica and Mary J’s effortless elegance started to fade and I started to feel the pressure to be perfect. 

It's no coincidence black women have remained the blueprint, diamonds are made under pressure, you know. If women are constantly under a microscope, sometimes as black women, I feel our microscope is extra strong, maximizing our highest highs and lowest lows for all of society to comment on. For some reason, it's easier for the masses to pick and prod at our mistakes, shortcomings and pitfalls and laugh at them, while we’re left to hold up the image of strong, independent black women who know how to serve a sassy comeback. Malcolm X said it best “the most disrespected person in America is the black woman,” and it feels like lately it's been harder and harder to catch a break. 

Monica, Mary J. and so many other fierce females have shown me how taking back your personal style is a perfect way to start feeling more in control of your life. Part of evolving as a woman in this age of social media is learning how to distance yourself from Instagram, Facebook and TikTok ideas of perfection and focus on building your own. I’ve learned these past few years that my idea of perfection can change and grow with me, but it should never be determined by what other people expect or think. 

There isn’t much we can do as black women that won’t get commented on, either by our friends, families, communities or online circles. For a while, this scared me and I felt like maybe this meant there was a world of people against me, then I remembered the old saying: If they’re going to talk, give them something to talk about. Black women have made an art form out using personal style to express periods of struggle, whether that be on personal or societal levels. Black women are aware that they may not always be heard or seen when it comes to validating their everyday experiences, but they know how closely they’re watched and observed when it comes to creating the culture. When it comes to my contribution to the culture, we’ve only just begun.